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Working Class Hero

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[27 Jul 2003|11:55pm]
the majority of you now have a new friend on your list. if you dont, i suck and skipped a name.
IM me at apatheticxx if you care to be added.

this is the death of the third eye.
the final post.

its bittersweet.
1 second of compassion| transcend

[27 Jul 2003|03:32pm]
on a lighter note....

i got another job. i have orientation tomarrow, and then i become an official stock boy a few days later.

this lj will be deleted in about a week, and i have another livejournal already in the making. you will all be informed of the new user name.

sorry if i went about everything in an immature manner kids.
but i think i lost it for a couple of days.
todays been the first day in a long while that i actually feel alive and stable.

happy trails.

[25 Jul 2003|03:54pm]
au th e xr e: hello
au th e xr e: you dont like shannon
apatheticxx: will tell you all you need to know
au th e xr e: i went out with her too
apatheticxx: and im not neven close to the first shes done this to
apatheticxx: who are you?
apatheticxx: austin?
au th e xr e: yes
au th e xr e: who are you
apatheticxx: shes the worst person of whom id ever met. i gave her my heart, my soul, my virginit, everything
apatheticxx: my name is dan. i was the last boyfriend. we lasted five months, and she cheated on me the entire time
au th e xr e: you shuolda told me and i would have saved you
au th e xr e: but im srorry
apatheticxx: whatd she do to you?
au th e xr e: she cheated on me with my cousin
au th e xr e: and some other random people
apatheticxx: by fucking them?
au th e xr e: no
au th e xr e: she was a virgin
au th e xr e: back then
au th e xr e: new to the scene
apatheticxx: shes the worst person that i have EVER met
apatheticxx: and im making her life hell.

[24 Jul 2003|04:50pm]
apatheticxx: PnkFrenchie (2:22:22 PM): i dont know if that would hurt you .... but i would imagine it wouldnt feel super great so just watch out okay hun
apatheticxx (2:22:30 PM): okies.
PnkFrenchie (2:22:38 PM): lol ...
apatheticxx (2:22:51 PM): im sure shannon did cjheat on me more than once. i wouldnt doubt it
PnkFrenchie (2:23:00 PM): .................................
PnkFrenchie (2:23:04 PM): yeah
apatheticxx (2:23:23 PM): i doubt that youknow anything about it htough...
PnkFrenchie (2:23:33 PM): ok .........
apatheticxx (2:23:46 PM): ?
PnkFrenchie (2:24:09 PM): what you doubt that i know so i dont so yeah
PnkFrenchie (2:25:21 PM): what "once" are you talking about that she cheated on you ?
apatheticxx (2:26:15 PM): andrea told me that she was making out with her at a show late in may.

theshowlastnight: hi.
theshowlastnight: remember that day at imusicast for the give up the ghost made out with jennifer?
theshowlastnight: shannon can i just have an honest, renzo, brandon all saw you making out with jennifer
theshowlastnight: and dan says he wont be mad...
theshowlastnight: he just wants to know the truth
deadboltsawake: aPATHETICXX: then go talk to her. tell her to leave my feelings alone
theshowlastnight: uhm, all i want you to do is fess up to it
deadboltsawake: do you know when the graduation meeting is tomorrow?
theshowlastnight: graduation for what?
deadboltsawake: hs
theshowlastnight: uhm, irvington already graduated
deadboltsawake: no for class of 2004 thers a meeting for us
theshowlastnight: oh i didnt know that.
theshowlastnight: nope i have no clue then.
theshowlastnight: but shannon....really...dont change the subject
theshowlastnight: remember the give up the ghost show...
theshowlastnight: can you tell me to my face that you didnt make out with jennifer?
apatheticxx (2:27:17 PM): she just stopped answering afterwords
PnkFrenchie (2:28:17 PM): yeah ... i dont remember if that was when she showed me hickies on her tummy thing
PnkFrenchie (2:31:07 PM): so you are counting that as the one time she has cheated ?
apatheticxx (2:33:08 PM): so how have you been?
PnkFrenchie (2:33:17 PM): umm ok
PnkFrenchie (2:33:23 PM): im sorry
apatheticxx (2:33:25 PM): wait....hickies on the tummy?
apatheticxx (2:33:47 PM): i count that as one of the possible many times she cheated
apatheticxx (2:33:55 PM): tell me about the hickey thing though
PnkFrenchie (2:33:58 PM): ive been fine thanks .... not friends with some people anymore ...but better off without them
PnkFrenchie (2:34:26 PM): do you really want to know all that i know or would you rather i keep it to myself about everything
apatheticxx (2:34:36 PM): id rather know all that you know
PnkFrenchie (2:36:09 PM): when i tell you ... you have to realize i am doing this for you to relly fully understand everything about her and that you are better off without her ... not to further hurt you and NOT for you to further hurt her ....... so what i tell you stays with us ... i dont want to be her friend but id rahter not have her hate me and be a vengeful person towards me .... i just want to get through high school without enemies
apatheticxx (2:36:42 PM): do tell
PnkFrenchie (2:36:53 PM): that guy jordan or whatever i think at Punk Prom .... yeah ....
PnkFrenchie (2:37:27 PM): jennifer gave her hickies on her tummy and shannon made it so that she wouldnt see you until they healed ....
apatheticxx (2:37:45 PM): did she fuck jordan?
PnkFrenchie (2:39:19 PM): she lied to me once saying she was gunna ditch school one day to be with you ... and then she came back and told me she felt bad she had lied to me and she was really gunna go screw this one kid i had never heard about from sf or berkeley who was coming to meet up with her to just sleep with her and leave .... she told me and i talked her out of it because my expression just sort of gave the impression i thought that was horrible
apatheticxx (2:39:53 PM): she did visit him once
apatheticxx (2:39:58 PM): i called her in sick to school
PnkFrenchie (2:40:39 PM): i dont think it went as far as her having sex with jordan i think it was just kissing and intense makinh out
PnkFrenchie (2:40:52 PM): .....................................why did you do that ........................
apatheticxx (2:41:11 PM): because he was her friend. and she needed something
PnkFrenchie (2:41:35 PM): yay she lied to me
apatheticxx (2:41:46 PM): i know she fucked him
PnkFrenchie (2:41:57 PM): how do you know that ?
apatheticxx (2:42:02 PM): i picked her up from bart tha6t day
apatheticxx (2:42:06 PM): and she was like two hours late
apatheticxx (2:42:28 PM): and she gave me a reason why. the train stalled. so i asked the person at the info booth if there was a stalled train. she said no.
PnkFrenchie (2:42:37 PM): did she look as if she just had sex
apatheticxx (2:42:51 PM): i cant remember
apatheticxx (2:44:09 PM): im gonna make her life a living hell
PnkFrenchie (2:44:49 PM): i assume you know about Tim and that other NY kid
PnkFrenchie (2:45:35 PM): no Dan dont be a jerk
PnkFrenchie (2:48:27 PM): youre gunna make me wish id never told you huh
PnkFrenchie (2:50:00 PM): yo dan ?
apatheticxx (2:51:11 PM): what about him??>
apatheticxx (2:51:15 PM): tim that is
apatheticxx (2:52:29 PM): tell me.
PnkFrenchie (2:52:59 PM): let me find a lj entry of hers hold up
PnkFrenchie (2:57:33 PM): are you ok ?
apatheticxx (2:57:42 PM): no.
now tell me.
PnkFrenchie (2:58:04 PM): grr i shouldnt have said anything ... i am so sorry dan
apatheticxx (2:58:26 PM): tell me.
PnkFrenchie (3:00:01 PM): on the other hand i have something wonderful in my life right now. i just hate how its so far away. the love of my life is in ny and i am here stuck in ca waiting until the day i turn 18 and move out with him.
he is so wonderful that i just cant get enough. not to be corney but when idont talk to richie for one day, i get sad and i go through withdrawls. why cant i be 18 right now.
PnkFrenchie (3:00:22 PM): thats about Richie ........ i try and find something about Tim now
apatheticxx (3:02:18 PM): when did this happen?
apatheticxx (3:02:39 PM): i never even heard of richie
PnkFrenchie (3:02:51 PM): Monday, June 9th, 2003
apatheticxx (3:03:10 PM): im going to kill her
PnkFrenchie (3:03:22 PM): Shannon has mentioned tim before though right
apatheticxx (3:03:28 PM): yes
PnkFrenchie (3:04:03 PM): no .... Dan you know she is this way .... youve known forever ... dont hurt her ... this is the person she is
apatheticxx (3:04:25 PM): fuck her.
what lj was this in?
apatheticxx (3:04:45 PM): like you never fuckin told me any of this
PnkFrenchie (3:05:06 PM): the one only certain people know about
apatheticxx (3:05:12 PM): give it to me. now.
PnkFrenchie (3:05:32 PM): no
apatheticxx (3:05:40 PM): FUCKING DO IT
PnkFrenchie (3:06:35 PM): dont EVER say that to me again ...... yelling at me doesnt help, damn it
apatheticxx (3:07:28 PM): tell me.
PnkFrenchie (3:07:49 PM): for what fucking purpose
PnkFrenchie (3:08:00 PM): cuz ya know you just seem soooo much happier now
apatheticxx (3:08:48 PM): im begging you. tell me.
PnkFrenchie (3:08:58 PM): WHY?
PnkFrenchie (3:09:28 PM): you dont have to beg me dan im not evil i just dont want you to be more upset or cause shannon more pain by betraying her more than i already have
apatheticxx (3:12:47 PM): fuick shannon. dont you see that shes one of the worst people ever to have existed?
apatheticxx (3:13:07 PM): shes betrayed you and i countless timees. FUCK HER
PnkFrenchie (3:13:59 PM): so because she is horrible it is okay for me to be a horrible person just like her and betray her .......and become just like her one of the worst people ever according to you
apatheticxx (3:15:58 PM): fuck you.
i cant believe you held this shit from me. i cant belive that you let her get away with any of this, and now youre still looking after her felings
PnkFrenchie (3:16:14 PM): okay yeah. thanks
apatheticxx (3:16:27 PM): my pain right now is the strongest ive ever fealt. and it could have been prevented.
Session concluded at 3:16:44 PM
16 seconds of compassion| transcend

[24 Jul 2003|03:48pm]
this journal will be deleated shortly due to the fact that the last five months of my life never happened.
2 seconds of compassion| transcend

i gave you the world, it was all for you. [22 Jul 2003|11:33pm]
[ mood | mellow ]

on my life as of late: im not really content with my life at the moment. im stuck in a low paying, low hours job that i dispise. i ended my first real relationship, i chipped a tooth, and my dads being a tweeker bitch.
but im realizing that its ok. i have many people who love me.
im not too healthy right now. i have no appitite, and im losing weight drastically. my cough is progressing too.
my mental stability was on the rapid decline this morning, and i cought myself doing things that were un-called for.
but, life goes on.

a closure to my relationship: i honestly dont know where to begin. i have too much to think about.

i knew that it was doomed after thie first week. after i heared about the things she had done. the fact taht she was taken when we first messed around was bad enough... but thats the least of it. after all she did, after all the hell that she put me through from the very beginning, i always ran back. i couldnt let go. i was smitten to say the least. most anyone would leave after said incidents...but i suppose i was weak and love struck.

im sure she cheated on me once. jennifer, you oblivious whore. but, i gave shannon the benefit of the doubt.

she thought she could play me like a pawn time and time again. and i suppose she did. because i had faith in her. now, im full of contempt, and my grudge is running strong, as it would be for anyone in such a situation.

my friends came out with honesty. none of them really liked her, and in fact, they considered her to be a whore. all of them congratulate me for ending it. they say i should be happy just because i got laid all so often.

she will run back to jennifer. she always does, because she knows that jennifer will always come back. i mean, she fucked jens boyfriend, and jennifer still ran right back. once again, youre an oblivious fool girl. then shannon will find someone new, leave jennifer...and then leave her relationship easily much like she did with me. why so easily? because she knows that she will always have a backup. shannon, jennifer will not always be there to fall back on.

never again will i date someone so unworldly. never again will i date someone as co-dependant. never again will i date someone so shallow. (yet she attempts words of depth daily in her writing.) shannon, i know that you honestly want to be a good person, but you fail. you have caused nothing but destruction in your path for all too long now. and you need to realize this, and fix it. but first, you need to accept that everything you do, is entirely too selfish. obviously, you never had any respect for me, or else you wouldnt think i was stupid enough to fall in your trap. i saw something in you that i thought no one had seen. and i gave you a chance to right yourself, and lead a good life. but as i already said, you fail. you have one person left in your life now. and all she will do, is try in vain to control you. it seems as if everyone has run away from you. and its seemingly for good reason. hold on tight, for you may just end up losing everything.

youre going to have a hard unfulfilled life at this rate. and relationships will never work, unless you know what it is that you want.

with that said, she is officially in my past.
i just weep for whoever is in her future. because if she doesnt change, they will be screwed.

gnight kids. thanks to everyone and their support.

9 seconds of compassion| transcend

[22 Jul 2003|10:05am]
[ mood | hurt. ]

well, im single again.
this time by my doing.
and this time, its for good.

i really didnt want to. but she left me no choice. i dont want to think of everything that happened between us as a faded memory.

adkfgnakldgjaifg9 dcegujt9werkgb cgrwujhe5,yhpwe5

4 seconds of compassion| transcend

[22 Jul 2003|03:20am]
wake up.
our past stops right now.
i see light
must be you.
watch and learn.
burning it blue.
blood boiling in slow motion.
omissions, distortion, dont be afraid.

what? are you surprised?
im stayin' alive and i spit in your eye, drive a stake in you.
take me away, take me away. i gave you the world, it was all for you.
but im sick and tired of wasting time
i want mine.
take me away, take me away. i gave you the world, it was all for you.
stingin' lies, stingin' lies, stingin lies.

we'll die tryin' to live so long.
i cant wait.
and i should leave the phone off of the hook.

dont be afraid.
1 second of compassion| transcend

[20 Jul 2003|11:08pm]
ive fallen very much in love with this song.

at least theres something left...

i think everything is falling apart, and coming together at the same time. two thousand and three has been one hell of a year thus far, and im sure that it will continue. all i can do is think of the future, and learn from the past....have a laugh here and there....

i feel a change consuming me. my life. my all. and i know that its for the better.

Change is coming.
Now is my time.
Listen to my muscle memory.
Contemplate what I've been clinging to.
Forty-six and two ahead of me.

[16 Jul 2003|01:44am]
when/if you think about me, what adjective comes to mind?
7 seconds of compassion| transcend

[14 Jul 2003|10:46am]
i need something.
i just dont know what that is.

perhaps a simple hug would do.
2 seconds of compassion| transcend

[13 Jul 2003|02:02am]
im offcially employed. took long enough didnt it?
6 seconds of compassion| transcend

[12 Jul 2003|12:45pm]
ive woken up the past few mornings feeling relatively shitty. why? you tell me.

im not so sure of what it is that im going to do today. im sure ill find something.

find me some comfort.
5 seconds of compassion| transcend

[05 Jul 2003|02:40pm]
ive been thinking... perhaps there will be a university to attend in my somewhat distant future. two years perhaps? i really do wish to have some kind of further education. my brain no longer feels stimulated, and its really starting to show.

what else.... yesterday was the two year anniversary of well... you know. and last night reinforced why i hate july fourth even more.

i dropped acid a few nights ago. it was the most intense psychedelic experience ive had yet. my brain feels as if its gone thru the spin cycle. and... i think that afterwords... im ready for a while of sobriety. to be honest... i think i realized a lot about myself.

anyway... optimus prime tnight. it should be a fun time for all. i havent really kept up on my friends page, so all i can really say is that i hope all is going very well for you kids. you all deserve the best.
1 second of compassion| transcend

[02 Jul 2003|11:27am]
my livejournal comes off as all too depressing lately. this is not intentional. really.

i honestly have nothing to complain about, aside from the lack of a mother fucking job. and what a job that would be.

i think ive finally realized that its time to say fuck this here computer. for serious. with any hope that i have left in me, i will make use of the off button sometime soon. dissapear off into obscurity i will. to be honest, i reccomend that every last one of you do the same. get off your asses. go outside. go to a show. fuckin smoke a bowl with good company.

sure this may sound like a PSA... but hell. what do i ever say that doesnt?
8 seconds of compassion| transcend [29 Jun 2003|03:36pm]

"A Perfect Circle will release their sophomore album, on September 16."

anyway, im sick.
i loathe the internet.
and my livejournal is suffering through a slow and painful death.


[25 Jun 2003|03:39pm]
off goes the computer for awhile.
gnight boys and girls.

"quit takin yourself so seriously my boy" [18 Jun 2003|10:34pm]
enjoy every day as if it were your last.
fuck padanoia.
fuck anxiety.
enjoy life for what it is, and the possibillities that it holds.
today may be uncomfortable, but uncomfort is temporary.
heres to the future

[18 Jun 2003|08:12pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

im noticing a bunch of things that dont like about myself these days. lucklily im always one thats open to change.

im not going to run back to apathy. i no longer need to run away.

im not too sure on where i am in life at this moment, and im kind of scared to see what this summer will and will not bring.

and this may be my last livejournal entry for some time.

...i feel like im lost in obscurity...

1 second of compassion| transcend

[13 Jun 2003|08:58pm]
[ mood | *blush* ]

this is from shannons twelve year old brother not but two minutes ago:

super glue thumb: you are really nice you know that?
aPATHETICXX: why do you say that?
super glue thumb: because you are nice to my sister and me and my family!
aPATHETICXX: heh. thanks.
i dont know how much longer i will be a part of it though...
super glue thumb: i wil always reamember tho

it was quite possibly one of the sweetest things ever said to me. i really wish being a nice guy would actually take me somewhere in this fucked up world... but it always seems to bite me in the ass...

14 seconds of compassion| transcend

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